1.Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2.I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
3.I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
4.Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
5.Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
6.The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
7.Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
8.If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
9.Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
10.We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
11.War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
12.Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
13.Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
14.Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
15.Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
16.To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
17.If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
18.If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
19.A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
20.Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
21.A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
22.Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night..
23.I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
24.I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
25.The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 
You can’t really be strong until you can see a funny side to things.
Glontul care ucide la cativa ani dupa ce a fost tras sau copilul cazut de doua ori de la balcon sunt doar cateva din urmatoarele povesti uimitoare.
Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree, because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch, or you might simply get covered in sap, and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors, where it is harder to get a splinter.
Stii cum se simte? Stii cum e sa iti circule prin ganduri precum sangele in corp? Stii cum e cand o strangi la piept? Stii cum e sa o ridici la cer , sau cum e sa o incalzesti cand ii e frig?Stii cum e cand pleaca..?Stii cum e cand o astepti cu inima batandu-si nelinistea in ritmuri nebune?Stii cum e s-o privesti atunci cand ea nu te vede?Stii cum e sa ti-o doresti, si cat de gol te simti cand nu e acolo sa o tii in brate?Stii cum e sa iti fie frica de maine caci ea poate nu va mai fi acolo?Stii cum te tradeaza ochii cand esti suparat pe ea?Stii s-o faci sa-ti cante?Stii cum respiratia-i calda-ti deschide ochii dimineata?Stii cum e cand nu poti sa-i dai drumul?Stii cum iti poate strapunge inima, dar totusi tu esti cel care ii ofera spada?Stii din intamplare cum e s-o saruti in ploaie, sau ai auzit vrodata cum e sa ganditi la fel?
Eu stiu.
Si daca si tu stii, macar jumate, din aceste momente toate, ai putea sa-i spui si ei cat de norocos esti.
Ideas have become far more important to us than action – ideas so cleverly expressed in books by the intellectuals in every field. The more cunning, the more subtle, those ideas are the more we worship them and the books that contain them. We are those books, we are those ideas, so heavily conditioned are we by them. We are forever discussing ideas and ideals and dialectically offering opinions. Every religion has its dogma, its formula, its own scaffold to reach the gods, and when inquiring into the beginning of thought we are questioning the importance of this whole edifice of ideas. We have separated ideas from action because ideas are always of the past and action is always the present – that is, living is always the present. We are afraid of living and therefore the past, as ideas, has become so important to us.
Home is the one place in all this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence. It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts. It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule.
Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite. Or waiting around for Friday night or waiting perhaps for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil or a better break or a string of pearls or a pair of pants or a wig with curls or another chance. Everyone is just waiting.
I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.
twistedway 